Member-only story
Once there was a Russian tree
and she loved a little boy
and everyday the boy would come
and beg the tree for dirt on Hillary Clinton.
He would gather Russia’s leaves
and make them into crowns of US dollars
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her branches and swing
And they would play hide-and-go-seek-the-Russian-orphans
And when he was tired
He would sleep in the shade
of the tree’s peeing prostitutes.
The boy loved the Russian tree very much
But time went by
And the boy grew older
And the boy kept pretending they never had a relationship.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
And the tree said, “Come, boy, come climb up my trunk and be happy.”
And it was definitely an innuendo.
“I am too big to climb and play!” said the boy.
“I want to buy things and have fun with my Democracy toys.
And I want some money!”
“I’m sorry,” said the tree.
“But I have adoption sanctions to discuss, too.
Take my dirt on Hillary, boy,
and sell them on the Internet.”
